Le mai est ici... :O

Donc, on doit passer les examens. :S

Je suis faible en quelques matières. :(

So it is exam. season! I am not scared about Maths... I am NEVER scared about Maths. Biology can frankly top itself and Chemistry... well, that's the one I'm worried about. Oh, and Unit 2 Biology is scary. Very scary. Especially as my revision guide has not yet come.

Life has been generally very crap, recently. It has been annoyingly annoying, almost determined to get me down, to try and hurl obstacles in my way so I'm not as confident as I used to be. There is no point whatsoever in panicking over what could have been and what should be...

I will just have to do my best.

Unfortunately, 'The Climb' by Miley Cyrus is running round in my head. Literally.




At least it's inspiring?




Wish me luck, even if I don't believe in it.

Sigh

So it seems that I am a bit confused...

Um, well.. yeah... Some people have this tendency to try and pull the wool over your eyes as to who they really are, and it doesn't work when it has happened so many times that it has become repetitive and you can see right through it. Also, what is frustrating me right now is people not being straightforward, and genuinely trying to find ways to annoy or confuse me. Further to this, I'm angry yet content for both the same reasons.

So, society makes it so that you have to be ruthless to get to the top. That's fine, that's fair; I don't think I want to get to the top if I have to lie and cheat my way there whilst trampling over people like they're doormats.
Similarly, I don't want to be yet another pawn in someone's chess game as they exploit my good-natured loyalty to get to where they want.
It's true when they say nice guys (or girls) finish last. That's because we're so damn nice that we LET other people win, because we think the biggest triumph in our life is getting through it and dying with good intentions and morals as our shroud. However, taking the moral high ground makes people just as bad as those taking the moral, well, LOW ground!
But why should it be that, to succeed in life, you have to be an evil person who tries their hardest to be arrogant, circulate in the highest social circles, whilst throwing out potential opposition along the way? Why do people and societies go out of the way to push other people forward into the limelight because it improves their own situation and stops them facing a nice person with substance and integrity who will take shit from no one?
Why is our world so twisted, that in trying to be open-minded and all-accepting, it's narrow-minded and takes the best part of the cream for itself and leaves the rest to sour?

The point I'm trying to make is that being nice gets you nowhere. Some people are fine with that. I would be fine with it. But, being nice means you can't get things done, you can't make changes that are so obviously and urgently necessary, and you can't be yourself.

Because nice guys finish last.

Conviction
I definitely have plenty of that

I am compelled to tell the truth to myself as much as possible. I also have a lot of self-belief.
It really does come from imagination, if I'm honest.

I don't want to lie to myself. I do it alllllll the time. I pretend I've revised my butt off, when really, I've only scratched the surface. I pretend I know things when really, I'm just as ignorant as the next person. Everyone seems to think I have done things or do things that I don't do or haven't done. It's not because I'm a bad, lazy, lazy person. In fact, I don't know why.

Very interestingly, people respect me for my self-assuredness. They regard it as a risk, ha! Sure, it's a risk being self-assured when girls are expected to be meek, vulnerable, and to whine over how their lives are a total disaster due to xyz. In my mind, I've been toughened to the extent where, as an emotional being, I just don't see things with those lines anymore that society wants me to have kept within my mind at all times.

Okay, where is the post going?

It's going to Oxford.

I fricking LOVE that place. And I really want to go there.

That's basically where this post was going to end up, if I'm honest to myself.

I've got to teach myself Philosophy, Politics and Economics WELL enough to show I have established and interest in pursuing them as disciplines, and also be clever enough to get 5 As at AS level whilst juggling 50 billion extra-curricular activites that I've taken upon myself, WHILST submitting essays for competitions, reading around, revising for my A levels, doing my work.. the list of what I have to do goes on.

So basically, I wrote this post to kick myself up the butt.

Sorry that it started off sanely then whizzed around so quickly.

Never has there been a better example to illustrate the true nature of my being.

You know what's really funny?
The fact that I'm content.
P.S. I never make sense

I'm one of those people who can be content very easily. I hardly ever argue to improve my own conditions, not out of laziness, but out of appreciating whatever wondrous thing it is that I already have. Except when it comes to one thing, and one thing only.
I'm not content if you're not content.

I can't stand it when people moan. I mean, I moan all the time (see former sentence, that constitutes as moaning) and I try not to do it. I think I should start the whole 'not complaining' bracelet thing again. But the funny thing is that I hate it when I feel as though something is missing.

Apparently, there's a chunk of me in Germany somewhere, or I would not have the craving to go and live there for a year, see if I meet a nice German person and learn to speak the language better, finding a job with some nice German people and getting to visit Cologne again. On the other hand, there seems to be a piece of me in every country; I want to go travelling, see the world like I've never seen it before. I want to go to University, meet new people, spend years doing whatever it is I love to do. I want to go off into the Sunset without a compass, and see where I end up.

Part of me longs for adventure, lusts for abnormality, seeks thrills and pleasures which it can't find here.

Part of me is content.

Isn't that funny?

"Live life as who you want to be, Maria.

Things might not always go to plan.

In fact, you will probably never pass a perfect day, and there will be so many problems along the way that you’ll wonder if certain hurdles are worth clambering over, or whether you should just throw in the towel.

But life is as much about the ride as the obstacles within it.

You can do life, you can beat it, and you can get to the end of it and look at your journey and be proud. There will be low points and highlights, but each of them will have been as valuable to making you yourself as eachother.

If you take only one thing from me now, take this:

You might not have been born the person you want to be. You might not have had the things you’ve wanted.

But you can still die the person you want to be: the person who made the most of life." 

I'm cool. (Okay not really, considering my friends laugh when I wear an hoody AND have a briefcase in my hand at the same time… There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable whilst keeping it real!!!)

I quoted myself, because it's something I've written before in times of need of motivation.
But as I often tell people:
Life isn’t about taking the lemons and trying to turn them into something else, knowing that they’re never going to change. It’s about taking the lemons, sucking them, then moving on whilst life sits there, speechless, at how you just defied it.

Because you know I'd walk A Thousand Miles
If I could just see you...

Tonight.

It's funny how we get so attached to songs. Literally, not a day goes by where I haven't sung a song, or something. I'm always singing something around the house, on my way to school, in empty classrooms... It's a part of me that I'm not willing to erase.

There's nothing better than listening to a song, especially one that's sung by YouTube's Boyce Avenue, then learning it on the guitar and singing it repeatedly. That is essentially how I procrastinate from everything. This is why I am putting forward the motion that Life Should Be A Musical.

Come on, what's NOT to love about that idea?!

I find it so amazing how there's a song for nearly everything. That's just amazing. I find it fascinating that we even sing songs.

But you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you, tonight.

I'm so sad.
Come on Maria, no one would walk a thousand miles for you, but you'd walk a thousand miles for so many people; you actually would not stop walking until you'd completed your thousand miles.

How strange.

I hope that one day I can find someone who would walk a thousand miles for me, then tell them that they don't need to because I'm never going to leave their side.

:)

Who am I?
Did I really just ask that question?

Okay, before I dash off to procrastinate even more, I think I better say this as a reminder to myself.

Live life as who you want to be, Maria. Things might not always go to plan. In fact, you will probably never pass a perfect day, and there will be so many problems along the way that you'll wonder if certain hurdles are worth clambering over, or whether you should just throw in the towel.

But life is as much about the ride as the obstacles within it.

You can do life, you can beat it, and you can get to the end of it and look at your journey and be proud. There will be low points and highlights, but each of them will have been as valuable to making you yourself as eachother.

If you take only one thing from me now, take this:


You might not have been born the person you want to be. You might not have had the things you've wanted.

But you can still die the person you want to be: the person who made the most of life.